oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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