I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize