Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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