the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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