this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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