If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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