I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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