is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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