All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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