Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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