Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need to calm my uterus...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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