dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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