it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
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