Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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