Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A+ Viking dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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