the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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