So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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