I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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