I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize