drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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