Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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