you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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