dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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