sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize