Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize