I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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