This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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