Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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