you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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