Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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