She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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