So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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