he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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