weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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