that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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