can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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