So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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