Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize