We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
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she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
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She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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