Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize