Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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