You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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