She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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