I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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