Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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