I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize