I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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