final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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