I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
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About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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