so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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